Resilience. It’s a big topic right now, and for good reason.
Through a quick online search, you’ll find that Miriam Webster explains it like this:
“In physics, resilience is the ability of an elastic material (such as rubber or animal tissue) to absorb energy (such as from a blow) and release that energy as it springs back to its original shape. The recovery that occurs in this phenomenon can be viewed as analogous to a person’s ability to bounce back after a jarring setback.”
I like this explanation and it’s application to us as humans. The ability of a material to return to its original shape after a blow – to absorb and release the energy from the blow and be…ok.
Admittedly, I have lived a life to this point without extreme hardship. If you count up the traumas in my life – it’s a pretty short list. And for that I am grateful. The hardships I have experienced have generally been things I have taken on for myself, personal challenges I’ve accepted, goals I have set, complications that arise in life as a result of getting involved with people I’ve been called to help. And that can be messy (but fulfilling).
As a parent, I want my children to become resilient, but for the most part it doesn’t happen all by itself. The question is, how can I help them learn this skill? Sometimes we just learn it out of necessity. It’s survival from day to day, whether caused by abusive or neglectful caregivers, bullying by peers, or strangers online. Even for those with relatively stable lives, mentally and emotionally this world can be brutal.
When our youngest was around 6 years old we started therapy together, and the therapy was centered around play. It feels like a lifetime ago (and the details are hazy) but the activities we did together began with him calling all of the shots and we were to agree with however he wanted to play with the particular items, and then over time we pushed his tolerance in greater and greater ways. We were teaching him to be adaptable. Through his struggles which became our struggles, I was becoming more resilient myself.
As a teacher I see kids in all kinds of circumstances with every kind of mindset you could come up with, usually all in the same room together. After nearly 20 years in the classroom my current reflection is that complaining and excuses are at an all time high. A large percentage of kids if given the opportunity would choose their phone over school at any given time. The dopamine hit from playing a game, viewing a snap, or watching a seconds-long video makes education a tough sell. The battle is beyond discouraging. It’s been enough to make me contemplate by career choice on a number of occasions.
So what does this have to do with resilience? To be resilient is to be tough, adaptable, and willing to face adversity. That willingness is key. Resilience makes us more open, more teachable, more willing. If I am resilient, I believe I am capable of handling what comes my way. That the adversity I am facing is not more than I can bear. I’m sure you can imagine how this perspective could be life-saving.
I encourage my kids to try absolutely any sport they are interested in. We’ve done soccer, wrestling, swimming, basketball, track, archery, and cross country. There is enormous value in kids playing sports – the benefits are huge – I don’t believe, however, that sports are the sole answer to building resiliency.
I want to plan physical activities for my kids (and myself) that still take endurance, but leave mental time and space for reflection. Things that are structured and purposeful, but not set to a timer, that require planning ahead, managing resources, and leaving the natural world as good as or better than we found it. Things that can be tailored to any age or fitness level and that we can all do together, without competing. Things that leave a little space for being disconnected from the world, and that help us figure out how to be ok with being still and <gasp> maybe a little bored.
These reasons are a huge part of why we fish, camp, paddle, backpack, and hike, and why we include our kids. I’m sure there are many other ways to experience the above benefits of being outdoors, but we’ve found our love of these activities to have much greater rewards than simply what appear on the surface.
Happy exploring,
Emily