This post may seem out of left field, but we know that when you have a child with ADHD, it can impact your ability to do, well, just about anything, including outdoor activities and adventures. From safety issues outdoors for kids who struggle to listen, to simply prying the controllers from their hands, that diagnosis can complicate things. If you’re reading this blog post, maybe you have a child in your life who has been diagnosed with ADHD. And if you’re anything like us, that diagnosis wasn’t alarming but rather a relief. It was a beginning of understanding why our child was experiencing life the way he was. It opened the door to a complex journey of trying to give our sweet boy the best possible existence we could. The things that just didn’t add up previously were beginning to make sense. It was also the beginning of trials with medications that had major ups and downs.
For quite a while I blamed myself for all the difficulties our son was having. His struggles started around the same time we adopted our older child and I thought that some of the changes that turned his life upside down caused him the emotional turmoil he was experiencing in 2016 at around three years old. It was becoming clear that the meltdowns, anxiety, and signs of depression weren’t your standard preschool challenges. And he was just. so. angry. Especially at me. Although I was familiar with ADHD through my teaching career, what he was experiencing was just different, and never caused him issues at school. It never even occurred to me that it could be the explanation for the suffering he was experiencing. By the time he was in kindergarten his outbursts were scary. He would attack me with the intention to cause harm. And then when he was calm he felt terrible. He felt guilty, and hopeless, and complex emotions that I didn’t know such a small child could experience so intensely. I worried myself sick that he would ragefully do something that he would regret for the rest of his life one day. I just didn’t understand. We tried to be good parents, full of love and structure, spending time together, attentive to his needs and emotions, providing discipline when necessary, but not too much.
There was clearly a common thread to many of the worst episodes, and it was when it was time to stop screen time. The Xbox in particular. And even more specifically, Minecraft. As far as video games go, I feel like Minecraft has some redeeming qualities. It’s not violent, there’s room for creativity, it can be collaborative, etc., but for my son it was an emotional black hole. However long he was allowed to play, it was never long enough. We never would have allowed it in the first place, but when you have older siblings playing video games setting those boundaries is automatically more difficult. It’s so easy to let the younger siblings slip into the same activities that the older ones are doing. But the difference was, he was not able to disconnect without feeling like his world was ending. Finally, we said no more. He just wasn’t ready.
2020 came while he was finishing kindergarten and the subsequent few years gave us an opportunity to see a new perspective. The school work was so painfully easy for him, yet it took him hours to do what he could have done in 30 minutes. The family play therapy we had started was now online, and his wonderful therapist helped him try to understand his big emotions. We were still struggling at home, though. I didn’t understand why everything had to be such a battle. He would say such hateful things, and I cried so much. I tried not to let him see, but sometimes I was completely overwhelmed. I remember driving him home from a gym ninja class and he was so angry, he threw his shoe at my head. I knew this was not my child. Something was so very wrong. He was loving, kind, smart, empathetic, and he was absolutely miserable. Sometimes after he would fall asleep I would go into his room and pray with all my might that God would heal him of whatever this affliction was that was stealing all of my baby’s joy and give me the wisdom to know how to help him.
I, too, was anxious and depressed. I was trying to put on a hard shell of protection for myself but I was failing. I have always been a sensitive person and struggled to not take everything personally. At the same time I would do anything for him to feel better. Day after day my heart broke for him. I was not giving up until we figured this out.
Strangely enough, I don’t remember how we came to the realization that it was likely ADHD. Maybe we read an article or blog and started to put the pieces together. Maybe someone made a comment and it got the wheels turning, but once we started learning we just knew that had to be what was happening. Regardless, we were on a family adventure trip to the Hocking Hills in Ohio when I reached a point that I couldn’t go on that way any longer. After a fun afternoon at a farm with goats it was one huge, terrible, tearful meltdown for both of us. We had another doctor’s appointment within the week.
Sure enough, after some testing a diagnosis followed, and we finally felt like we were on the right track. Medication though is not easy, and it was a bumpy ride. Stimulant medicines wrecked his appetite, and we had also learned that low blood sugar was a trigger for a major meltdown. In addition, the stimulants also wrecked his sleep, so by the end of the day our exhausted, hungry kid was in pretty rough shape. We traveled to Alaska during this medication trial period, and although it helped some of his symptoms it was a draining time. After trying the stimulant meds for what felt like an eternity, we found the right fit – a non-stimulant medication also used to treat high blood pressure.
Fast forward a few years and things have leveled out tremendously. The happy days far outweigh the tearful days and our house is a much calmer place. Part of it is medicine, but it’s also about boundaries, diet (more to come on this), consistency, and flat out determination. Our sweet child is free from the torment that he was experiencing for so many of his early years, and I’m so very thankful for the answered prayers.
Since the start of this journey we’ve experienced such tremendous highs and lows. We’ve learned so much and can’t keep it to ourselves. One thing that we have refined over the past few years is the management of screen time. It takes dedication and consistency, but without limits he simply would not go outside much. Everyone needs fresh air, Vitamin D, exercise, and new adventures, and we will continue to find ways to help him experience these things. And we want to share with you. This post is long enough, but soon to follow will be a look at our screen time management system – sticks.
So if you are a parent or caregiver of a struggling child, hang in there. You are doing better than you think you are. Talk to everyone about your situation, research for yourself, try everything and don’t ever give up on your kid. The photos in this post are some of the adventures we’ve been on together both during his biggest struggles and after. I asked him to read this post and let me know if it was ok for me to share. He liked the idea that our story might be able to help others and gave it his approval! There is hope for your situation, keep exploring ❤️
Emily